First Day: 

When I woke up, the place was dark, cold, and had a musty smell. Silk-like threads of sun rays seem to pierce through the creeks of the walls. The floor was wet, there was goat shit everywhere, and holy mother of lord!!! There were goats all around me.

As far as I can recall, last night, I went to my comfy bed, inside the walls of my own house. “How did I get in here? Did I get drunk? Did I sleepwalk?” Now, there was no point lying there. So I hurriedly got up and tried to run but to my astonishment, I found my neck tied to the shed post. No matter how much I tried, I was too weak to break the rope.

Then I looked down at my feet and you wouldn’t believe what I just saw: I had four legs. One by one I started probing my body parts and I found my body has fur all over it; two horns, a tail and balls hanging between my legs. I WAS A FREAKING GOAT.

“How did I turn into a goat? Did my consciousness shift to a goat brain? Or Am I dead? Is this reincarnation?….” Since I couldn’t get out of the shed, all I could do was sit there and ponder my fate. I wanted to believe that this was all just a bad dream but even if I slapped myself, I couldn’t wake up. I was certain that this was real. While I was lying there thinking about myself, all the other goats around me were sound asleep.

I became a goat on the first day of Dashain(festival in Nepal). While being human, I had so many plans to enjoy my holidays but now it will all be ruined. “Perhaps I will turn back into a human at the end of this day”, I consoled myself.

Then I could hear someone’s footsteps outside. A human opened the door of the shed. And I was again stunned because the man who opened the door was none other than myself.

This hit me like a thunderstruck. “If I am inside a goat’s body, then who is inside me? Did a goat and my consciousness swap? Or did my consciousness split into two different bodies?”

Again, there was no point in pondering for answers. So I interrogated my human body in a very loud voice. “Who the heck are you? What are you doing in my body? Are you some kind of demon? Did you make me like this?……..”

“MOM!!! This goat is doing Maa Maa a lot. Has something happened to it?” My body spoke.

“It might just be hungry. Take them all out of the shed and hang some grass for them.”

I was again dumbfounded. Humans couldn’t understand me, while I could understand them. That means, all my efforts to find the truth are futile now. He opened the ropes of all the other goats and tied them near the net full of grass. When he untied my rope, I tried to run away but he got hold of my rope. No matter how hard I tried I was weakling in front of him. He pulled me with force and tied me to that same pole with other goats.

I felt very depressed about my situation. To share my feelings, I started talking to other goats around me. They seemed to understand me, which was a good thing. Then I asked those goats what they thought was the cause of this. And their reply was Maa…Maa.Maa.

Holy shit!! I couldn’t understand them. Heck, I couldn’t understand any of the goat languages. All I could hear was what a normal human would hear from a goat: Maa Maa.

Now, this was even more perplexing. While I could understand humans, they couldn’t understand me and goats could understand me but I couldn’t goats. I was realizing that my day is getting worse.

With grief, I cried all day. “Why did you do this to me, god? Why? Answer me. Anyone?…”

“Mommy, this goat is crying a lot. If this continues for a few days, we should sell it to the butcher”, my human body said.

“Eek… WHAT? Am I getting killed?” I nearly pooped in fear. From that moment I stopped crying.

Night fell. I was tired from crying the whole day. So I slept wishing to wake up as a full human the next day.

Next day: 

Crap, I was still inside this goat body and inside that same, old dirty shed. Then, the same pattern followed. My human self would come and tie me to the post outside the shed. To relieve my misery, I would try to share my feelings with other goats. They were very good listeners and they understood every single word. I never thought goats were this intelligent. But alas I couldn’t understand their replay. I felt miserable. There was no one to help me to get out of my position.

Extreme sadness came into me. “What is the purpose of living like this? Being a stupid goat, eating all day, pooing and die as human food? This isn’t what I came to earth for. Why is this happening to me? Is this my punishment?” Realizing my sorrow, the other goats came near to console me. Although I was saying bad things about goats, they understood my pain. One of them even hugged me with its neck.

“Do you know that humans are keeping you so they could kill you and eat you?”, I asked one of the goats. It simply nodded giving approval. “Then what is the meaning of living such a life, knowing that you are no more than food?”

The goats didn’t say anything. “Oh of course.. I can’t understand him even if he said anything. The goat was wise enough to stay silent while I lost track of my situation. How stupid?” This time I felt myself even more stupid than a goat.

As days passed by, I started understanding the rules of this game. I had the body of a goat but the mind of a human. I can eat both grass and human food. Talking about sexual desires, I get aroused looking at a female goat as well as a hot human lady.

But there were some drawbacks of being a goat. For the first few days, the balls hanging between my legs were so uncomfortable. I couldn’t sit or walk properly with it. I couldn’t go wherever I liked as I would be tied with the rope. Humans would treat us very badly. My own human self would sometimes get drunk and pee inside the shed. One night, while I was asleep inside the shed, he peed on me. Yuck, that was disgusting.

But the worst part was yet to come. It was the eighth day of dashain. I knew, this is the day when male goats will be cut as a sacrifice to Goddess Durga. It seems that other goats are also aware that today some one of them will be cut. But no one was panicking. They were extremely calm as if it was a normal day.

My human family was preparing for the ceremony. My sister applied red mud with cow dung in one area and my parents started the rituals. After the ritual was complete, my father signaled my human body to bring the goat. He came right toward me. I was very afraid. I wanted to run away but he pulled my rope with great force and started untying me. “This is it. Today is the day when I will get punished for all the wrongdoings of my life”, I thought.

Then suddenly another male goat, the same size as me, charged my human body in the knee. My human self almost fell to the ground.

“Oh, you dare hit me. Today, you will be the dead one”. With rage, he tied me up and took that goat instead. I felt that the goat was saving me by sacrificing himself.

While I was shivering in fear looking at them, my goat friend was taken to the ceremonial place. He was placed in the position, and ready to get his head chopped. At the last moment before the cut, he looked at me. Then, his head was severed.

Bloods were sprouting from his neck. He was crying for help with the breath that remained in him. I could feel he was in extreme pain but I couldn’t do anything. That scene was horrible. On the other hand, My human body was enjoying that show while I was barely able to look at that monstrous scene. I cursed myself. I cursed my life and every single human. I felt horrible to ever have enjoyed seeing an animal being chopped.

Then again, feeling my grief, other goats came around to console me. They knew their fate was the same yet they weren’t afraid, nor were they feeling sorrow. They were doing all in their hands to reduce my sadness. This was the moment I felt grateful for being a goat. I cursed my human life and I was now ready to accept my life as a goat.

While my mind was processing all these emotions, I felt weak, my legs shivered and I fell to the ground. Everything went black and my senses were gone.

Then I woke up. My human family was around me with nervous faces. I looked at my hand; it was a human hand. I knew I was in a human form again. My sister told me that I became unconscious, while looking at the goat ceremony. My parents were really worried about what happened to me.

I mustered up all the strength left in me to stand up. My family tried to stop me but I told them I was fine. I slowly walked outside the house. My goat friend was still being sliced into pieces. I felt extreme guilt.

Then I went toward the shed. The shed was open. The goat body where I was inside a few moments ago, was lying on the ground.

I went near it and patted it on its body. Its body was cold and there was no motion. I hurriedly looked at its face and checked it’s vitals; He was no more with us. I felt despair. Tears came rolling down my eyes. For the moment, I felt I was no longer in this world.

My family came near to ask what happened. “I don’t know”, I said with tears in my eyes. I didn’t feel like telling them my experience.I just wanted to sit there, with its body in my arms. Even if I share my experience with other humans, nothing’s gonna change for the goats. They will still have to live a life as food for humans.